Some Things Backfire
by Psychopathic Dirtbag
Summary: Draco Malfoy, a girl. Hilarious situation, isn't it?
1. Clumsiness Failed

A/N: First Harry Potter fic! ^_^

**"Some Things Backfire"   
By: Psychopathic Maniac**

  
  
  
**Chapter One: Clumsiness Failed**  
  
This will all be worth it once it's over, Draco kept reminding himself. As quiet as he could be, he slowly crept his way through the dank dungeons in order to fufill his purpose for walking around Hogwarts in the middle of the night. He gently felt his way around the walls in pitch-blackness; very grateful for the many occasions he has passed through this area.   
  
Finally feeling a metal ring, relief washed over Draco as he realized that he was able to successfully reach his destination without any casualties. He seized the doorknob and yanked it open with only enough force to make a gap small enough for him to slip in sideways.   
  
Once in the room, Draco removed his Invisibility Cloak and left it on one of the tables in order to make the rest of his excursion easier without the extra weight.   
  
"Lumos," he whispered and a faint glow emanated from his wand, which he left beside his cloak. A pair of eyes silently watched Draco do his business, remaining unnoticed by the object of their attention.   
  
He made his way towards the vast shelf propped up against the wall, which contained a collection of many ready-made potions. He then stared at the many choices for a few seconds before he fingered through the labels one by one. Draco was already halfway through the selection but still nothing seemed good enough for a prank.   
  
Two bright eyes were on him, and Draco, for the first time since he entered the room, could feel them boring holes through his back. Holding his breath in, he spun around on his heels and grabbed his wand, aiming it at the intruder. His robe whirled behind him because of the force of his turn, hitting a few of the bottles and vials. The glass objects shook from the blow but managed to remain in place for the moment.   
  
He released his breath as his eyes landed on his watcher.   
  
"Oh shit," he muttered under his breath as he saw the familiar cat known as Mrs. Norris, perched on one of the stools.   
  
Draco would have grabbed his cloak and ran for it if it weren't for his prank. He turned around again, planning to just grab a random bottle but tripped on his own foot. This act of clumsiness resulted in him losing his balance, making him fall backwards.   
  
"Fuck!" he exclaimed, trying to grab onto something but only managed to hit a few vials with his flailing arm. He landed on his bottom with a painful thud.   
  
"Ow!" he said, rubbing his sore bottom. He felt a drop of liquid fall onto his hand which was on the floor.   
  
Draco didn't have time to question himself though, for numerous potions suddenly rained down on him. He jumped out only in time to avoid the last few potions.   
  
Laughter danced in the eyes of his watcher.   
  
"What's that noise?" a voice asked from the corridor and Draco could see light emanating from their lamp as they moved closer.   
  
"Shit," Draco cursed as he dashed towards his possessions. Panicking, he quickly put on his cloak and muttered a spell to extinguish the light his wand made. He shuffled towards a corner of the Potions classroom just in time for the owner of the voice to enter.   
  
"Who's there?" Filch barked at the empty classroom, his voice resounding softly off the musty walls. He walked towards the mess of potions and broken glass on the floor, inspecting it.   
  
Draco held his breath in and finally noticed that the corner he was hiding in seemed unusually warm compared to the rest of the cold dark dungeons.   
  
"Find anyone?" another asked, their voice hinting that they didn't like conversing with the Hogwarts Caretaker. Draco released his breath at the sight of the teacher.   
  
Severus Snape snapped his head towards Draco's general direction as he scanned that area.   
  
Draco could've sworn that the head of his house looked him in the eye for a split second. He then looked down to make sure that he was still completely covered by his cloak.   
  
"No one here, Snape," Filch replied with a gruff tone. "But a couple of your supplies seemed to have been ruined." he finished, bringing the lamp closer to the ruined potions.   
  
"I see," Snape said tight-lipped as he crossed his arms.   
  
A crash from down the hallway sounded, followed by howling laughter. The two adults exchanged knowing glances and Filch was off, leaving Snape in darkness.   
  
The potions teacher muttered a spell as he pointed his wand towards a torch hanging on the wall. The torch's tip burst into flames, illuminating only part of the room, but bright enough for two of the occupants to know where they were.   
  
"Draco," Snape called as he knelt down on one knee and examined the mess.   
  
Draco thought that maybe if he kept quiet, the teacher would think he made a mistake.   
  
"I know you're hiding under your Invisibility Cloak, so you might as well come out and explain yourself," his teacher continued.   
  
Sighing, Draco walked towards his head of house then removed his cloak.   
  
Snape continued to stare scrutinizing at the mess, once in a while looking up at the shelf to see which potions got wasted. He glanced at the corner Draco was staying at just a few moments before then said, "Let's go outside," as he cast another spell to extinguish the flame.   
  
Draco closed the door behind him then turned to Snape, whose glowing wand brought a bit of life to the dark corridor.   
  
"Another prank?" Snape asked with a raised eyebrow as he leaned casually against the wall, crossing his arms once again.   
  
Draco smirked. There was no keeping anything from his godfather.   
  
"I gave you permission to take anything you want as long as you let me know which one you took," Snape then added with a sigh. "And I suddenly regret giving you that privilege."   
  
Draco couldn't help snicker at Snape's situation and therefore freely showed his amusement even when under these circumstances. He didn't need to fear getting a detention for he knew that if ever he were to get one, it would never be from Snape.   
  
Aware that he was off the hook and ignoring the fact that he took advantage of his favorite teacher, Draco stated, "Several of those potions fell on me."   
  
"I can see that," Snape replied gesturing towards his godson's damp shoulders.   
  
"How come nothing happened?"   
  
"I still have yet to find out," Snape answered. "I will let you know tomorrow morning. And if you experience any changes whatsoever, tell me immediately."   
  
Draco nodded his reply then said, "Lumos."   
  
"No go back to your dormitory," Snape ordered. With that, Draco walked back to the Slytherin dorms in silence.   
  
  
~*~*~*~*~   
  
  
His eyes shot open, suddenly yanked away from the sweet arms of slumber. He looked around and, judging from the little rays of light peering in through the closed windows, it was already morning. How long had he been asleep?   
  
Last night was a weird experience, Draco recalled. He was still able to rest peacefully though; he had a long, dreamless sleep.   
  
But no matter how rested he was and no matter how relaxed he felt, something at the back of his head screamed that he shouldn't be. He kept recalling last night's events and searched through them for his unfinished task.   
  
"The prank!" he sighed exasperatedly at his 'failed mission.' His voice sounded a bit unusual but he simply excused it as a result of his realization.   
  
Wanting to kick himself, he rolled over to his side, planning to lay on his stomach. Though a new presence prevented him from doing so.   
  
He rolled onto his back again, accidentally trapping his long hair beneath his upper back. His body suddenly became frigid with shock. He cautiously put his hand to his chest...   
  
then screamed bloody murder.   
  
  
**=-=-=-=-=**   
  
  
Sorry for the cliffhanger! I was just really anxious to put this fic up already. ^_^   
  
Anyway, I hope it didn't seem rushed. ^.^;;   
  
Review please!!!   
  
  
  



	2. Ignorance Never Helps

*sobs* I only got one review for the first chapter!! *cries* Oh well...*sniff* I tried.

Whoops! Forgot to put a disclaimer in chapter one!! ^.^;;

Disclaimer: Come on! I can barely even write decent fics! What makes you think I'll be able to write the 5 Harry Potter books?!

**Chapter Two: Ignorance Never Helps**

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Draco let out a blood-curdling scream but suddenly stopped. His voice had raised a few octaves. He then had to bite his hand to keep from screeching again.

Beyond the curtains of his four-poster bed, he heard his roommates stir in their beds. His breathing became rapid and he tried to make his intake of air as quiet as possible to avoid attracting attention from them.

"Uh...What was that...?" Nott murmured, only half awake. Protests flew across the room, complaining about making noise so early on a Monday morning.

Blaise groaned. "Probably one of the girls..." he muttered, promptly falling back asleep. Draco was very grateful for the fact that they didn't notice the scream come from their room.

He slowly calmed himself down. There was no way in hell he'd risk having his roommates see him in his present situation. 

Snores echoing through the 6th year male dormitories told him that the other occupants of the room had fallen back asleep. Draco wondered how his housemates could still stay asleep on a Monday morning. He took a peek through his curtains to look at the clock on his bedside table. No surprise, it was still 6:30.

He was thankful for being able to handle situations like these with unusual ease, for any other normal teen would have freaked out if they were in Draco Malfoy's shoes.

Finding no other solution to his predicament, Draco decided to lie in bed until their dormitory was empty.

After one hour had passed, a bed creaked, signaling that someone was getting up. Malfoy strained his ears to listen if everyone else was doing so as well. Two voices answered his silent question.

A yawn. "Hey Drake, you awake?" Blaise called, padding across the room towards Draco's bed. Draco immediately hid completely underneath his blanket, making his breathing slow so it would seem like he was still sleeping.

His curtain was pulled back. "Huh," Blaise said, puzzled.

"What's wrong?" Nott asked from his sitting position on his bed in the corner. He stood up and stretched.

"Nothing really," Blaise replied. "I'm just surprised since he often wakes up earlier than any of us."

Nott shrugged. "Probably got a hangover from last night," he said, chuckling lightly as he pulled his uniform out of his trunk.

Blaise laughed. "Drake? Get a hangover? Nah."

Draco smirked. The two must have been more drunk than he thought for they didn't even notice him leave early.

"I guess you're right. The bloke can drink as much as he wants and still walk in a straight line," Nott stated, laughing as he made his way to the shower stalls, towel in his arms. Blaise eventually followed him after closing Draco's curtains.

The two beds on either side of Draco creaked loudly as they were free of the weight on them. Draco felt relieved that all of them were finally getting ready to leave the room.

Just as Crabbe and Goyle walked into the shower stalls, Draco quietly got out of bed and put on his Invisibility Cloak. It was slightly dragging on the floor, he noticed.

He stood beside his bed to make it seem as if he was already up and eating downstairs at the Great Hall. He didn't want to make his room mates worry about him staying for an awfully long time in bed.

After taking their showers and getting dressed, the four Slytherin boys were finally ready to leave the room, much to Draco's relief.

"Guess Draco's already ahead of us, as usual," Crabbe said, gesturing to Draco's empty bed.

Nott raised an eyebrow. "Where's he off to in such a hurry?"

"Dunno," Blaise replied. "I'm guessing he's at the Great Hall," he added with a shrug. With that, the four left the room and went downstairs to eat breakfast.

Just as the door closed, Draco let out an exasperated sigh. "Finally!" he breathed, dropping his cloak on the floor then rushing to the bathroom to see his appearance. He locked the door behind with a spell, promptly casting a silence spell after.

"What the hell?!" he shrieked at his reflection. He pinched his arm to make sure this wasn't a dream; his mirror image did the exact same thing.

Draco stared at himself in the mirror. He had long, platinum blonde hair, which reached the middle of his back. His shoulders became narrower and, looking at his unusual appearance, he realized he was shorter as well. He put his hand to his stomach, taking note that his waist was smaller. Looking at his whole body in general, he seemed extremely petite and non-athletic, compared to his original self, which was quite muscular because of Quidditch. He looked at his -- he dreaded looking there -- he looked at his chest, which had, he shuddered, breasts. Yes, there was no doubt about it.

He had changed into a girl. Quite an attractive girl, in fact.

Realization slowly sunk in as Draco stared wide-eyed and unmoving at the mirror...

"AAAHHHHH!!!" he screamed again then dropped to the floor, his breathing a bit fast. 

He laid there for a few moments, thinking about his predicament. How will his father react to this? No, he told himself. His father won't know about this. It would be humiliating enough if, and only if, other people knew about it. Especially Potty and his two stooges. He won't be able to live with himself if they knew.

"I'm sure Severus will be able to help," he finally admitted to himself. "I'm sure he will," he repeated, suddenly quite doubtful. Snape did say that if any problem arises, he'd do his best to solve it. But what if he wasn't able to find a solution to this one?

Sighing heavily, he stood up and turned on the faucet, letting warm water pour down on his now sweaty hands. He cupped both his hands, gathering water then promptly splashing it on his face. He repeated this action several times.

He abruptly paused. He felt different, for some reason. He wiped his eyes on a random towel then once again looked back at the mirror.

The usual clump of short blonde hair was back on his head. His shoulders were once again broad and he noticed that he was suddenly taller. The normal Draco Malfoy was staring back at him now.

He changed back? 

This was all too weird. But though he was utterly confused, he felt a lot better. At least now he could walk through the halls freely as if nothing happened. He also didn't have to worry about getting a new uniform or how the heck he was going to shower (as a girl, that is), or sounding like Pansy when he talked.

He let out a relieved sigh then walked into a stall to take a quick shower.

~*~*~

Draco walked through the partially filled corridors towards the Great Hall. A 5th year girl from Ravenclaw gave him a weird look as she raised her eyebrows. Draco simply returned the glance plus his trademark smirk, earning himself a glare from the girl. Draco furrowed his eyebrows. What was that about?

He decided to shrug it off and just continued on his merry way. He then passed by Neville Longbottom, who barely gave him a glance when he turned the corner. When they were about to cross paths, Malfoy smirked at Neville, wanting to scare the heck out of him. Neville did the opposite, though. He blushed, his face turning into a tomato as he shyly returned a smile, before he took off down the corridor.

In plain terms, this "scared Draco shitless." The only thing that prevented him from running and screaming like mad was the fact that, to him, Neville was always weird.

Nonetheless, Draco forced himself to continue on his way, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone else. That is, until he passed by some people worth the attention. He stopped in his tracks when they were about 3 or 4 feet away from him.

He crossed his arms and, once again, put on his trademark smirk. "Well, well, well...if it isn't the dream team," he drawled, attracting their attention. He failed to notice the slip in his voice.

Draco didn't get what he expected though. Instead of Potty raising an eyebrow and retorting sarcastically or the Weasel lunging at him or the mudblood telling him to lay off, the three had equally shocked expressions on their faces. They do great impressions of fishes out of water, Draco thought as he snickered to himself.

Malfoy raised an eyebrow. "What? Don't have any good retorts today?" he continued, sniggering.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows at Draco, a look of complete confusion and shock written on his face.

"Whatever, I'll stop wasting my time here with you goody-goody Gryffindorks," he finished with a sneer. He then stalked passed them and strode towards the Potions classroom, leaving the three in their puzzlement.

After blinking his eyes a few times, Ron managed to ask the other two, "Do any of you happen to know her?"

-=-=-

I forgot Nott's first name... .

Review please!!! ^_^


	3. As Dense As Potter

Disclaimer: Don't own. Stop bugging me.

Thanks for all the reviews! They really made my day! :D Anyway, here are some replies to a few...

**blindinglove**: *thoughtful look* How did you know I was an Asian?

**daichi**: Yeah...now that I think about it, my main plot is similar to that of Ranma 1/2. But with a few added twists, that is.

**Lily and James Potter and Kit Kat**: Theodore, huh? Sorry, still haven't read the fifth book. And if they mentioned it in the first 4, forgot about it... ^_^''

Chapter Three: As Dense As Potter

Draco smiled smugly at his success in rendering all the 3 stooges speechless. He shifted the backpack on his right shoulder as he entered the dungeons in high spirits. He was too pleased with himself that he had accidentally bumped into someone's chest when he rounded the corner. The Slytherin took a step back to remain on his feet.

Draco looked up to give a heated glare towards the other but his stare softened once he realized whom it was. "Oh. Sorry, professor. I'm not late for class, am I?"

Snape blinked as he looked at the familiar shade of blonde on top of the student's head. "Draco?" he asked, taken aback.

Draco raised an eyebrow, "You know, I've received that look a lot this morning."

"Finally! I've been looking for you!" the Potions Master let out a relieved sigh. "I didn't see you at the Great Hall so I was about to go down to your dorms," he explained. Then he led themselves to his office so the passing students wouldn't overhear their conversation.

Draco took a seat in front of Snape's desk. "About last night? Well, you see, the weird thing is - "

Snape cut him off with a wave of his hand. "I've narrowed down the possibilities into three," he stated. "Out of the possible outcomes of those potions added together, only three resulted in the change of one's gender."

"So...?" Draco said with a questioning look. "Wait! How did you know the effect?" he exclaimed.

Snape coughed. "Um..." he then wordlessly pointed to his grandson's chest.

Draco glanced down then furrowed his eyebrows as realization slowly sunk in. So that's why people gave him strange looks...and Neville wasn't gay, after all. Draco then sighed exasperatedly. So that's why the Gryffindors didn't have any comebacks. Damn. And he was so hoping to rub his success in their faces once he saw them again, too.

"Oh," Malfoy said blankly. Then he made several hand movements as he put everything together. "So that's why -! And - ! Oh..." he trailed off.

"Yes, that's why," Snape smirked. Potter wasn't his only dense student, after all.

"Right. Okay, continue."

"Do you happen to have any horrid blisters growing on you?" Snape asked, shifting the pile of papers on his desk.

"No."

"You didn't happen to have any sexual urges to jump on any of your room mates to kiss them senseless and..." Severus trailed off then coughed. "You know..." The thought itself scared him to no end, but there wasn't any harm in asking, right?

Draco made a gagging face. "Hell no!" he shouted back, shocked by the mere fact that his godfather even asked that question. "It'll be a cold day in hell for me to have even the slightest _hint_ of attraction to any of my dorm mates, whether as a side effect or not!"

"Okay, okay," Snape held his hands up. "I got the point already." He then muttered things along the lines of _women _and _that time of the month_.

"Good," the blonde haired boy said as he calmed down and rested his head on the heel of his palm. "Can you explain to me why I didn't change last night?"

"Right. The potion only takes place during daytime so otherwise, you remain the same," Snape explained.

"So why did I change back after washing my face?"

Snape scanned his papers. After several seconds, he looked up and asked, "Was it warm or hot water?"

Draco put on a thoughtful look as he recalled. He nodded, "I think so."

Snape nodded. "It says here that warm or hot water can change you back, but for only an hour."

"What do I have to do to cancel out the potion?" Draco asked.

"I've researched on that already," Snape replied then frowned. "But it takes 5 months to make it."

"What?!" the boy-turned-into-girl exclaimed as he stood up and banged his fist on the table. "5 months as a fucking girl?!"

"Watch your language," Snape reprimanded. He checked his watch. "We better go to Dumbledore's office before I lose more time for Potions."

Draco fumed. "That old git?! What'll he be able to do?! Give me candy to make it all better?!" He then continued on about the other sick meaning for Headmaster.

After a few protests and many curses here and there, the two finally reached the entrance to the Headmaster's office. Draco gave the gargoyle a weird, hateful glare as if blaming all the events on it. Panting and slightly bruised, Snape coughed out the password, which happened to be _Gryffindor_. Hm...Imagine that. The gargoyle jumped out of the way to reveal a staircase leading up.

Still quietly muttering, Draco painstakingly stepped on one step at a time, fearing the worse. Snape was just glad that the boy had stopped using violence in hopes of avoiding this meeting. He unconsciously rubbed the sore part at the back of his upper arm. After about a minute, the pair stopped at the landing, in front of wooden double doors.

"Come in," came a strained voice from the other side.

Snape opened one of the doors then entered, promptly followed by Draco. The two took seats in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"I'm taking that this is Draco?" Dumbledore asked with that annoying twinkle in his eyes. Draco suddenly wondered to himself if their Headmaster had light bulbs behind those.

Snape nodded. "I've already explained everything to him."

"Good," Dumbledore replied. He reached over to a drawer on his desk and opened it. Draco already knew what he was going to offer.

"Care for a lemon drop?" he asked, offering a bowl of assorted sweets. 

Draco's right eye unconsciously twitched several times. "No thank you," he replied with a hard face.

"Severus?" the Headmaster turned to Severus, having that awful twinkle in his eye again. It took everything out of Malfoy to not punch him for being so damn happy all the time.

"I'd rather not," Snape replied, eyeing his student, who appeared to be twitching violently. He gave the copy of the potion to the old man. 

Dumbledore failed to notice the anger in the blonde's eyes and expression. He kindly left the bowl on his desk, as if the two visitors were going to get from it. He quickly scanned through the parchment before saying, "I see that the cure takes 5 months to make..."

"Tell me something I don't know," Draco said grumpily.

"So the potion has already started having it's effects..." Dumbledore thought out loud. His eyes seemed like they

Draco glared. "Just tell me what I'm supposed to do so I can leave!" he snapped.

~*~

Draco let out a heavy, relieved sigh as Snape closed the door to Dumbledore's office behind them. Wordlessly, the pair walked down the set of steps then past the stone gargoyle, which jumped back into place.

"So..." Draco pondered the meeting earlier and recalled what Dumbledore had said, much to his annoyance. 

He was supposed to be an exchange student from some unnamed magical school far, far away. He is a cousin of himself, who just happened to look a lot like a female Draco Malfoy. He snorted at that thought. He was also given his own room to "give her some privacy", when it was really to prevent his snooty Slytherin housemates from seeing him change back to himself.

"We're here," Snape said, stopping in front of the Potions Classroom. "Just try not to act like Draco Malfoy," he added as a reminder.

Draco raised an eyebrow. "I'll see what I can do."

Snape sighed, knowing that he wouldn't do much. He opened the door and entered, followed by Draco. The door slammed shut, making everyone in the room stop what they were doing and turn their attention to the two.

Draco twitched. He hated those stares.

=-=-=-=-=

Okay...This chapter officially sucked ass...*shrugs* Just wanted to make everything clear before I go back to writing down my pathetic excuse for humor...^_^ They'll have their Potions Class next chapter.

But review anyway, please? *puppy dog eyes*


	4. Introductions and Blood?

Disclaimer: Don't own. Stop bugging me.

A/N: *cries* NEED reviews!!! *sobs* I feel so unloved! *looks around* Ah, heck... Who am I kidding?

By the way, even though I know now that Nott's first name is Theodore, I'll use Nott. It seems more...Slytherin-ish.

Any of you know the pairing of this fic? I'm pretty sure you do. But if you don't I'm not telling. :P My only "clue" is that this will definitely NOT, I repeat, NOT be a Draco/Ron fic.

**Chapter Four: Introductions and...Blood?**

Draco frowned at the many unwanted stares, which were boring holes into him, his frown turning into a glare. It never occurred to him that because of his gender change, his hateful stares might turn out to seem not so "hate filled." A few wanting looks from some of the male population informed him of this. The Slytherin mentally slapped himself and put on a blank stare, directing it to the blackboard at the front of the classroom.

"Who's the chick?" Nott piped up from his place beside Blaise as he eyed Draco from head to toe and back up, earning a few shouts of agreements across the room. Draco made a mental note to smack him silly once he had the chance.

"And where's Draco?" Blaise asked Snape. Draco was surprised, Blaise was probably the only living soul that noticed he was gone. Except for Pansy that is, but she didn't count.

Snape sent a look towards everyone in the room, which plainly said, "shut up you evil little creatures which I am unfortunately forced to teach."

The evil little creatures that Snape was forced to teach knew the trademark glare and therefore kept quiet and waited for him to explain. Snape put on a smug look at the feeling of power before speaking.

"This 'chick'," he started, saying the term with a weird expression on his face. "is Draco Malfoy's cousin. She's an exchange student and will be staying here for a few months in Mr. Malfoy's place," he explained to the whole class, not bothering to give his now female grandson a name, before turning to said student, who appeared to be having another one of his "twitch attacks".

Snape coughed then stepped away from him, attracting his attention. Draco looked up at him, his right eye twitching like mad. "If you would take your seat," Snape ordered more than asked. "We could start with the lesson," he finished then lightly shoved Malfoy towards the direction of an empty seat before stalking in that intimidating way of his to the front of the class.

"Funny," Blaise said to Nott doubtfully. "Draco never mentioned anything about being an exchange student."

Nott shrugged. "Didn't find it worth talking about?"

Draco stumbled from the force but managed to find his seat, which happened to be beside Hermione. He ungraciously dropped himself on the chair and promptly leaned back, his arse tittering on the front edge of his seat. His bag fell to the floor beside him. Not very lady-like to say the least. Hermione shot him a look but he brushed it off, completely ignoring her.

In front of the class, Snape wrote the instructions on the blackboard. Draco lazily looked up and around the classroom. He glanced back and found out that Potty and the Weasel were behind him while Nott and Blaise were to his front.

"Pair up and get your ingredients from the table. The instructions are on the board," Snape announced before taking his seat at his desk. Draco made no move to go to any of his housemates for he wasn't supposed to know any of them.

"Hey Mione," Harry called from behind Draco. "You wouldn't mind if Ron and I partnered, would you?" he asked.

Hermione quickly looked back and replied, "Not at all". Ron shrugged then went up front to get the ingredients from the table beside Snape's desk.

Hermione glanced at Draco, suddenly realizing that "she" was the student who seemed to dislike Gryffindors. She shrugged the thought off, thinking that maybe Draco gave his cousin wrong impressions of her and her two friends. Wanting to change that image, she decided to be friendly to the exchange student. She looked at Draco and opened her mouth to talk but paused, tilting her head as it dawned on her that she didn't know what to call the girl beside her.

Draco looked at her and raised his eyebrows. "What?" he asked flatly, crossing his arms.

"Um...I didn't catch your name...?" Hermione smiled nervously.

Draco sneered at her attempt at a conversation. "That's because I didn't mention it."

"Oh..." Hermione's head dropped. "Well...what's your name then?"

Draco stiffened. _Shit!_ He quickly scanned his head for any of his female cousins' names. Remembering only one, he had only one option. "...Andrea..." he finally replied, his brows furrowed. "...Andrea Malfoy." 

Hermione smiled. "Well, Andrea, I'm Hermione Granger. Pleased to meet you," she said, taking Draco's hand and shaking it. The Slytherin was surprised. He had just dissed her earlier that day, right? He felt this weird feeling at the pit of his stomach. Was that guilt? Fortunately for Draco, his massive amount of pride kept him from admitting that to himself.

Draco stiffly nodded his head at the grinning Hermione and allowed her to shake his hand. 

"That's Harry," Hermione added, pointing to the ebony haired boy behind Draco. "And that's Ron," she finished, gesturing to the redhead who just sat down, ingredients in his arms.

Harry grinned at Draco. "Hi...?" he trailed off, not knowing what to call her.

"Andrea," Draco finished for him with a seemingly polite nod, which happened to be the result of him not being able to do otherwise. He suddenly felt uncomfortable in his seat and the feeling in his stomach was back. 

He decided that maybe he could put up with the Gryffindorks for a while, until he "got to know" people from Slytherin that is, then he'll drop them like a sack of Hufflepuffs. Draco was so pleased with himself that he was able to think up of yet another evil plot against the Gryffindors. Smirked in evil glee. He loved being a Slytherin.

"Hey Andrea!" Ron greeted, unknowing of Draco's "evil plot", his head popping up above the pile of ingredients. "How is life as a cousin of the prat, Malfoy?" he asked nonchalantly.

Draco silently cursed Weasley but willed himself to put on a fake smile, which went nowhere near his eyes, which were burning with anger. "It's fine, actually."

"Hm...I guess Malfoy's only nice to a few selected people," Harry commented. _That's right Potter. And you're not one of them. _Draco's eye twitched again as he put on a tight-lipped smile.

"Hey Andrea, want to be partners?" Hermione suddenly asked, remembering that they were still in Potions Class.

Draco shrugged. "I don't mind. I'll go get the ingredients," he replied. He pushed his chair back and stood up, eliciting a gasp from Harry.

Draco turned around and snapped, "What?" After the conversation, he wanted to stay as far away from them as possible.

Harry blinked at him several times.

"What is it, Potter?" Draco urged.

Harry ignored the fact that Andrea knew his name without them mentioning it. He pointed down. "You-you're blood, you - " Harry stuttered then cleared his throat. "You're...bleeding...?"

Draco narrowed his eyes. _What's Potter on about?_ His gaze followed Harry's finger, which pointed to his chair. He glanced down, only to see blood on the newly polished wooden furniture. The house elves' efforts of making the greasy man's classroom shiny and grease-less were, once again, proved futile. Anyway, back to the matter at hand...

"I'm bleeding!"

=-=-=-=-=

"Andrea" is okay for Draco's female name, right?

REVIEW PLEASE!!!


	5. Briefing on Menstruation

Disclaimer: Never in my life did I dream

                   To claim something I did not own

                   This is very plain to be seen

                   So please, leave me alone

AN: This is my longest chapter!!! :D

**Chapter Five: Briefing on Menstruation**

Period: (Noun) A mark in punctuation used at the end of a sentence. The interval between successive occurrences of an event. A portion of time characterized by certain processes. Any of the portions of time into which something is divided.

Everyone knew it's many definitions. 

It is also used as a slang term for menstruation, which meant a discharge of the menses. Something women have to go through once they've hit puberty, and go through the rest of their lives with. That is, until they go through menopause, which is the point in their lives when they stop going through menstruation every month. But that's a different story.

Unfortunately, no one had informed Harry or Draco of the other meaning for the word "period".

"I'm bleeding!!!" the boy-turned-girl exclaimed as he jumped a foot into the air and out of his place, checking the buttocks area of his robes to see if he was, in fact, bleeding.

Potions Classes have been widely known, in both books and fanfics alike, to never seem to pass without any casualties, minor or major, to occur. This meeting wasn't any different.

Though everyone was used to the "exciting" events that took place during a certain greasy man's subject, they never failed to gasp in surprise upon seeing these occurrences.

Lavender took a quick intake of breath, also known as a gasp. "What's happening?"

Though many had shocked expressions on their faces, the one they least expected to be calm was, in fact...well, calm. Hermione, being the closest to Draco, was able to see what was wrong. She looked at Draco's chair then at his blood-soaked robes, and made a connection.

She smiled. "Andrea, you're not bleeding." This statement was able to calm everyone **but** the blonde girl down.

"What do you mean I'm not bleeding?!" Draco shrieked furiously. "There's blood all over my chair **and **my robes!"

Hermione looked thoughtful. "Well, not bleeding in the literal meaning of the word. More like the 'time of the month' kind of bleeding," she explained to the still ignorant Draco.

"Speak in english!" Draco snapped.

"Malfoy, calm down!" Snape ordered. "Granger, if you would please take her outside and explain? The two of you will return later during lunchtime to do your seatwork."

Hermione nodded, a bit dubious. "Alright. Andrea, let's go outside." She picked up her bag as well as Draco's and walked out the door.

Draco gave Snape an uneasy look then eventually slowly followed the Gryffindor outside.

~*~

"First of all, I'll repeat, you're **not **bleeding," Hermione explained carefully, making sure that Draco understood her. She handed the Slytherin his bag and led the way to the Hospital Wing. "You're going through what we call 'menstruation'. Or in lay man's terms, a 'period'," she added, going deeper into her explanation. "This is your first time, I'm guessing?"

Draco nodded absentmindedly, too distracted by the uncomfortable dirty and sticky feeling between his legs. He shifted his backpack on his shoulder uncertainly, trapping his long blonde hair underneath the strap.

"Ow." He frowned as his hair was yanked away from his head.

Hermione gave him a half-concerned and half-weirded out look as she watched him pull his hair away from his bag and put it in front of his shoulder. _She sure calms down fast..._

Draco looked up at her. "What?" 

Hermione shrugged. "Nothing. I'm just surprised that you're not freaked out anymore," she replied then smirked. "Mood swings."

The blonde raised an indignant eyebrow. "Mood swings?"

"Yup," Hermione nodded. "Often comes with the package."

"Would I want to know what else comes with the 'privilege' of having my period?" Draco asked hesitantly.

Hermione giggled. "Probably not, but I'll tell you anyway. It's better to be aware so as to not freak out anymore later," she answered with a toothy grin, obviously holding in laughter. "Well, it doesn't happen to everyone but it does to the majority. Often, when you have, you get stomach cramps; officially called 'menstruational cramps'. This leads to many being in foul moods because of the pain or discomfort. And lastly, the mood swings. Self-explanatory."

Draco nodded and just hoped that he was one of the few who didn't get cramps. He had to say, he really felt uneasy talking about things that girls went through. Before you know it, he'd be stuck listening to them talk about which guys they found "cute". Draco involuntarily shuddered at that particular horrifying thought.

"Oh, and before I forget," Hermione started, digging into her bag, her hand reemerging with a pink rectangular object. She handed it to Draco, who looked at it suspiciously, making her giggle. "It's nothing dangerous! It's a 'napkin'. You're going to need these while you have your period."

Draco reluctantly took it, putting it in one of his robe pockets. 

"And, congratulations! You've officially hit puberty!" Hermione exclaimed, followed by a burst of giggles.

Draco sighed. It's not usual for someone to hit puberty twice in one lifetime. "What's your next class?" he suddenly asked.

"Care of Magical Creatures," Hermione replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Um...Does Draco go to that class as well?" Draco asked, finding it hard to speak of himself in the third person.

"Yeah. 6th years of both Slytherin and Gryffindor," Hermione added. "The same people in Potions."

Her answer made Draco remember about how he made fun of the three Gryffindors. Even after doing that to them, she did everything but volunteer to help him...er...her. Normally, he wouldn't feel guilty, but -

_It's not guilt!_, Draco reminded himself. 

Well, whatever he was feeling at the moment, he didn't usually feel it. And, once again, his Malfoy pride, which had planted him on his own very high mountain, had prevented him from climbing down and apologizing.

"We're here," Hermione said, attracting his attention.

Draco nodded and the two entered the Hospital Wing, only to be greeted by Madame Pomfrey. The clinic was surprisingly empty. They dropped their bags on the floor just as Poppy started speaking.

"Hermione Granger?" Madame Pomfrey said incredulously. "I'm surprised to see you here without Weasley and Potter in tow."

Draco snickered while Hermione smiled politely. "Hopefully they won't have to any time soon?" she replied with a soft laugh as she took a seat on the nearest bed. Draco chose to remain standing, seeing that he still has blood on his robes.

"I highly doubt that. Those two always manage to get hurt," Poppy said as she shook her head in disapprovement, earning another set of snickers from Malfoy. "They don't seem to tire of getting into fights with Malfoy. Come to think of it, that boy's had several visits here as well..." she added as an after thought.

This made Draco stop his incessant sniggers and made him frown instead.

"Really now," Hermione said in mock-surprise though her expression betrayed her.

"It's no surprise though," Poppy said, oblivious to the sarcasm. "By the way, who's your friend?" she asked, gesturing to the blonde.

"Andrea Malfoy," Draco said with a nod.

"Sibling or cousin of Mr. Malfoy, I presume?"

"Cousin, actually," Draco replied.

"So, what did you come here for? I doubt you went here simply to miss classes."

"Miss Potions? Now why would we want to do that?" Hermione said sarcastically. "Though I would love for that to be the reason, it's not. Andrea here is having her first period," she finished. 

Draco blushed but added. "It would also help if you can teach me the spell to remove stains."

Madame Pomfrey then taught them the spell, before going through her drawers and taking out another so-called napkin. Which Draco still has no idea how to use, might I add.

"I suppose Granger has explained to you the basic things to know?" Poppy asked.

"Everything except how to use a napkin."

The door suddenly burst open and a 5th year boy from Slytherin year ran in, shoving his extremely red arm under Madame Pomfrey's nose.

Draco stared wide-eyed at the damaged limb. Parts of raw, exposed flesh were reddish pink, with bits of skin hanging here and there. He winced, _That must hurt like hell!_ But, judging from the look on the boy's face, he seemed more afraid of the nurse than he was of the burned wound.

"John!" Poppy scolded. "What did I tell you about burning things?!" she shouted, leading him to the bed beside the one that Hermione was sitting on. 

She frantically cast a spell on her wand to numb the pain before shouting over her shoulder, "That's all I can do to help! Granger, you wouldn't mind showing her how, would you?"

It seemed like Hermione had no choice. She shrugged then said, "Let's go to the bathroom." She picked up her bag and led the way.

=-=-=-=-=

Haha! I inserted Pyro (my fave character) from X-Men! Whoo!!! ^_^

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	6. Napkins and Briefs

Disclaimer: My last announcement, you see

                  Was a flat-out terrible lie

      I wish the books to be owned by me

                  And, yes, my hopes are high

AN: The first part of this chapter kinda disturbed me while I wrote it...O. I mean, it's not everyday you have to write about a girl changing her napkin....

By the way, I know they don't have uniforms in the book but I made them wear uniforms anyway. ^_^

**Chapter Six: Napkins and Briefs**

It was made in a way that allowed the wearer to jump around and act as if nothing was happening. They were of a soft texture; colored white and had wings on the side. Many absorbent pores lay scattered around it, making it almost impossible for blood to stain women's clothes.

Napkins.

Draco hated that word. He hated the actual object even more. He despised those infernal feminine products down to the very deepest depths of his cold, black heart.

Unfortunately, glaring at it with burning anger didn't help. He still had to wear it. He suddenly cursed himself for going into the Potions Classroom last night. He cursed himself even more for being so careless. He cursed himself for tripping, resulting in the potions falling on him, leaving him in his current situation. Most of all, he cursed the very cause of him doing all of that.

_This is all Weasley and Potter's fault_, he thought angrily. _If it weren't for our stupid arguments, I wouldn't have felt the need to think up of a prank_ Draco was so pissed that he actually kind of regretted having the war between him and the two. Take note:** kind of**.

"Hey, you alright in there?" Hermione called from outside the cubicle.

Draco frowned and glanced at his watch; he's been in there for about 5 minutes already, and had nothing accomplished. He again stared down at the infuriating thing in his hands.

_How the heck do I put it on?_ Draco twisted the object in his hands in every angle possible, thinking of different possibilities. He then recalled that Hermione had shown him how, though using her hand as an example.

"Wear your underwear so it'll be easier," she had suggested. "Hold it at a vertical angle then pull the pieces of paper off." She yanked the papers off. "Doing so will reveal the adhesive part. You then stick it onto your underwear like this," she finished as she stuck the offending napkin onto the palm and wrist of her left hand. "Understand?" she asked, once she was done demonstrating. 

Draco nodded. 

"Good," Hermione sighed heavily, making a gagging face. She then tore the napkin from her palm. "I should have used something else instead of my hand..." she muttered.

Draco sighed then pulled down his underwear and was terrified at the sight. Blood was everywhere and a certain smell wafted past his nostrils. He grimaced. The smell was highly malodorous.

"Yeah - Not really, no. No, I'm not," Draco replied, trying to look away from the red substance. He tried to recall the spell but realized that he had forgotten it. "What's the spell again?"

Hermione told him the spell and explained the proper pronunciation. She told him sternly about what might happen if he said it the wrong way. Draco gulped. He didn't plan to have blisters all over his privates, female or not.

After freeing himself of the infernal sight and scent, he remembered that he was still wearing his underwear, which was for males. He made a mental note to force his godfather to help him buy female's lingerie. After storing that in his head, he finally removed the paper from the napkin, revealing the adhesive part underneath.

Hermione fixed the now blood-less robe in her arms before asking again, "Sure you don't need any help?"

Draco sighed then replied that he, or rather, she, was fine. His pride prevented him from expressing his gratitude for her concern. _I'm not thankful!_ he scolded himself.

He returned his attention to the matter at hand. Slowly, he lowered it down until its bottom stuck to his underwear. He then pried his fingers from the sticky substance and moved to remove the paper from the so-called 'wings' of the cursed napkin. He discarded the pieces of paper into the waste bin then folded the 'wings' back, completely attaching the feminine object onto his underwear.

"Done," he sighed heavily. 

He gently slipped his underwear back on, making sure that it had a secure fit. He stood up then bent down, reaching for his pants and pulling them up. Once he had buttoned and zipped them closed, he yanked the two ends of the belt towards each other, realizing again how much smaller his waist was. He tightened the belt, locking it at the third to the last hole. He pulled his loose sweater down to cover the belt and how loose his pants really were.

"Finally, you're done!" Hermione exclaimed as Draco exited the cubicle and walked up to one of the sinks.

"It's not as comfortable as you make it seem," the Slytherin muttered under his breath, though loud enough for Hermione to hear.

The Gryffindor shrugged. "It's actually far from comfortable, but you get used to it," she replied then looked at his back. "Did you notice that your pants still have the stain?"

Draco frowned as he turned on the tap, making sure to put it on cold. "No. Do you mind removing it for me?"

"Not at all," Hermione replied and cast the spell. She then noticed the belt that Draco was wearing, which was uncovered when he bent down at the sink. "By the way, why are you wearing pants? They seem awfully loose on you..."

The blonde paused. "Well...er...I didn't have the Hogwarts uniform...yet...and my...cousin...had left a set of his uniforms," he finally replied.

Hermione took the loss of words as embarrassment for wearing the uniform of a cousin, who was a different gender no less, instead of a hastily thought of lie. "Oh. Okay...That explains the sweater as well."

"Yeah," Draco said as he washed his hands thoroughly, the horrid sight returning to him. He shook his head then dried his dripping wet hands on his pants, a habit he never got rid of. He turned to Hermione, who threw him his robes.

Hermione checked her watch as Draco put his robes on. "Hurry! We have 10 minutes to get to 'Care of Magical Creatures'!" she exclaimed.

Draco smirked, slipping his arm through a sleeve. "Why in such a hurry? Is the - is your teacher strict?" he immediately covered that up, almost letting his insult out. _Damn_, he cursed. _I have to be nice...?_ he shuddered at the thought of giving respect to those kind of people.

"No," Hermione replied, picking up her bag from the floor. "He's actually far from strict. I'm just excited to see what kind of creature Hagrid has this time. He said I wouldn't want to miss this class," she added then looked thoughtful. "But then again, Hagrid has a weird sense of fun and interest..."

Draco nodded as he slung his bag over his shoulder. "So...Who is this Hagrid?" he asked as they exited the bathroom.

"He's a half giant. Don't worry, he's safe," Hermione described with a smile. "I'm sure you'll like his class. Unless of course, if you're like your cousin and the other Slytherins, then you probably won't."

"Maybe my cousin's right about him," Draco protested, defending himself as well.

"Nonsense!" Hermione huffed. "Hagrid's a great person!"

Draco raised an indignant eyebrow. "I'll see for myself," he replied as he pushed the entrance doors open. The morning light streamed into the entrance hall and Draco squinted his eyes as he waited for Hermione to reply.

Hermione put her hand up, partially blocking her eyes from the blinding light. "Well, I can't make you change your decision," she sighed. "But at least promise me that you won't make it difficult for him? He really likes this job."

The Slytherin smirked as he shrugged, diverting his attention from the Gryffindor to the half-giant standing amongst a sea of seemingly eager students. A sneer formed on his face as he spotted his housemates.

"We'll see..."

=-=-=-=-=

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